ME

i am called
layla
it means night,
it means persian princess
and it means eric clapton's music.

i am 24

i am too old for lollipops
or for peter pan
and flat ballet shoes.

yet i look too young
to understand
r-rated movies,
insomnia, contraceptives,
dirty politics, hollywood deaths,
and heartbreak.

i am
the right size for bathtubs,
stilettos,
and red satin.

but i don't have
the right posture
for the runway,
for the military,
and for independence.

i shift
from frailty to confrontational,
from recklessness to yearning,
from guilt to defense.

i like
to believe in justice
to find strawberries in mountains,
to wake up from an embrace,
to discover the cure for abandonment,
and to recall being alive.

i was told
my smile is infectious,
my hands are restless,
my mind wanders
and my heart is cold.

but i may not always smile
to allow a tear or two
and i may not always want
to wear stilettos.

but i will always like
the story of the persian princess,
the feel of satin,
the promise of neverland,
and the therapeutic comfort of an embrace.