today, inspired by a cate blanchett scene in notes on a scandal i put the heaviest make-up on me and i realized this has got to be the saddest day ever.
when does one earn the right to jealousy? does it begin with a casual stare or does one wait for a philandering business to commence? is betrayal of thoughts enough? or does one need to gather a collective evidence of sneaky phone calls, unnamed friends, empty 'sent items' folder and cancelled weekends?
the more-baffling-than-bermuda-triangle-mystery-why. why? because she knows what an espresso is? because she obligingly uses your favorite literary characters as her metaphors? because she tolerates your bloodshot eyes glued to your video games? because she doesn't phone you crying? she sleeps locked in your arms? she bravely makes the first move? she's a wildcat?
out with cate blanchett. julie delpy onscreen. her voice is crisp and she's saying, "but what does it mean, 'the love of your life?' the idea is absurd! the idea that you'll be complete with only just one man..."
i say this to your girl: if she wants to recycle you, she can have you.
for she may be all those things above, but those are the ones i never cared about anyway. and i have shotgun-ready answers to your next defense: i don't care if she's your apprentice and she's so far adopted your writing style. the fact that i write so much better than you means there's no contest between me and her. i don't care if you teach her about movies. the fact that i taught you to watch art films means i would not expect her at all to remember one line from malena.
lost in drugs, angels in america sighs, "i usually say fuck the truth. but mostly, the truth fucks you."
rewind to notes on a scandal. judi dench, in deep thought, murmurs, "it takes courage to distinguish what is real from what is convenient." i am neither. i am the empty eyes that are no match to your bewitchingly thoughtful, thin-lipped and 23-inch waist damsel in distress.
i walked on the broken glass and i feel no pain.
i downed four sleeping tablets and the effect on me is just a constant blank stare.
i move to the riverbank of my bed and i know you will not be there.
it speaks of the absence of fight.
the absence of care.
the absence of curses and cold shrugs.
and the absence of surrender.
because today, i crestfallen, unwanted, and terribly alone, celebrate the saddest day ever.
p.s. carly simon sings, "you're so vain, you probably think this song is about you..." don't even make the mistake.
p.p.s. this is a test and simply a play of words, an experiment if i can (half) feign cynicism and sadness. any similarity to actual events, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
random thoughts:
why do you wrote this article in a most ambiguous way?
keywords: the big word "jealousy"; "espresso", "apprentice", "literary characters as metaphors", "adopted writing style", "i write so much better than you".
and the other side of the coin: "bloodshot eyes", "video games", "sleeps locked in your arms", "bravely makes the first move", "wildcat", "thin-lipped and 23-inch waist damsel in distress".
two persona that was locked in jealousy?
sorry. i forgot. this is just only an experiment...
I comment on this not as your goodfella but a third person lost in the childishness of the net and who never know you.
If you wrote this article just by coincidence you freed a tormented soul.
-------today, inspired by a cate blanchett scene in notes on a scandal i put the heaviest make-up on me and i realized this has got to be the saddest day ever.-------
I am not a writer so I don’t know what’s about sadness all poets like to romaticize. I see you romanticize all the little details of your life. When I am sad, I listen to music. I walk alone. Cate blanchett did the make up in the film not because she was sad. It was a negation, I think. Nakakatawa kasi, the film shows that when everything crumbles, the only right thing to do was to put a make up on her face and showed the world that was the only things that makes sense…so I ask, is that what are you trying to prove? Making a sense out of the absurdity of things?
---------when does one earn the right to jealousy? does it begin with a casual stare or does one wait for a philandering business to commence? is betrayal of thoughts enough? or does one need to gather a collective evidence of sneaky phone calls, unnamed friends, empty 'sent items' folder and cancelled weekends?-------
I don’t know what jealousy is pero alam ko kung ano ang pakiramdam…
---------because she knows what an espresso is? because she obligingly uses your favorite literary characters as her metaphors?------------
I just wish you never wrote this out of loneliness. I see your comparing yourself from someone. Is that person really exists? Is she better than you? Don’t you understand that someone sees you as individual and as unique too, as unique as individual as his self? Can you not see that you are his special woman and not just a little girl who likes parading her smile to everyone?
---------but what does it mean, 'the love of your life?' the idea is absurd! the idea that you'll be complete with only just one man..."----------
One tragic joke of life is that we can never live the life of a character they portrayed in a film or in a book. I think the completeness of our being can never be found with the other person. Mas gusto kong iisipin na nasa ating sarili mismo ang kabuuan ng pagkatao natin..with or without a relationship.
-------i say this to your girl: if she wants to recycle you, she can have you.
I like this.
------i walked on the broken glass and i feel no pain.
you felt no pain because someone is feeling you for the pain.
---------because today, i crestfallen, unwanted, and terribly alone, celebrate the saddest day ever.------
The saddest thing in life is being with someone and you still feel alone.
----------i am the empty eyes that are no match to your bewitchingly thoughtful, thin-lipped and 23-inch waist damsel in distress.
I think your empty eyes have the immensity of imagination that causes cosmic ripples in his tiny planet.
experiment ba kamo? "bad literature brings no redemption"--umberto eco
your lengthy discussion flatters and amuses me.
to reiterate, even the pronoun "i" in this entry is imaginary.
if this is a form of a petty literature, then this is an experiment.
is it her fault that she uses his "literary characters"?
no. because she made them, not him, and nobody owns literary characters. have you read her enough to say such things? if someone told you that this someone is something, do you think you eventually really know this someone?
adopted writing style. how did you know? are you her? an apprentice follows his mentor, yes. but they don't adopt whatever style it is. as a writer (a better one as your "experiment" says)you should know that. why do you keep on quoting lines from other writers, or rather, why do you keep on tracking your verses from other people's ideas?
if you are already numb, you will understand. don't let petty jealousies eat your experimental literature, because you're a better writer. why put the blame on other people if it was something that you felt. even if fairness is a limited concept.
its not him, or her. its your fault. widen your perception, nobody wants to be narrow and regret it after.
pain is universal, my dear.
i hope
thank you for your thorough analyses and inputs. i enjoy the controversy. enough said. :)
p.s. i am open to a coffee date.:)
Post a Comment